Court Tosses Man's Bid to Marry 'Porn-Filled' Apple Computer
TALLAHASSEE — A federal judge has tossed a motion filed by a man who said he wanted to marry his "porn-filled" computer because he preferred to have sex with it.
U.S. District Judge Robert Hinkle's order denying Chris Sevier's motion was an attempt to intervene in a gay couple's bid to get Florida recognition for their Canadian marriage.
Sevier is challenging the provisions of the Florida Constitution and Florida statutes on same-sex marriage.
If gay people "have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts," Sevier said, "then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object."
Sevier, an Army combat veteran and disbarred attorney from Tennessee, explained to the court that his love for his Apple computer began after he purchased it.
"The computer was sold to me without filters to block out pornography," he told the court in a brief. "I was not provided with any warning by Apple that pornography was highly addictive and could alter my reward cycle by the manufacturer.
"Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women. Naturally, I 'fell in love' with my computer and preferred having sex with it over all other persons or things, as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm."
Sevier "has moved to intervene, apparently asserting he wishes to marry his computer," the judge wrote in a ruling dismissing the motion.
"Perhaps the motion is satirical. Or perhaps it is only removed from reality. Either way, the motion has no place in this lawsuit. Mr. Sevier has alleged nothing that would support intervention."